What I Lost I found In You
by Hidden Heart 92
Summary: Told from Charity's pov. Vanessa and Charity are just having fun...aren't they? Rated T for later chapters Charity x Vanessa fic
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Charity's thoughts on becoming involved with Vanessa as their relationship develops, as told from Charity's pov. Thought it'd be interesting, let me know what you think.**

 **I own nothing, all rights belong to their respective owners.**

* * *

 **WHAT I LOST I FOUND IN YOU**

 **PART 1**

I can't think straight and it's something I've always had trouble dealing with. I hate not knowing, I hate not having a plan or some mind game to keep me entertained. That's why I'm here, at 11 o clock at night, drinking my third glass of whiskey and it's my day off. Chas has been serving me for the better part of the evening.

My nails rake against the glass as I pick it up and watch the amber liquid lighten as I hold it up to the warm glow of the light above.

I'm not drunk but by the way my mind works and where it wanders, I might as well be.

A blonde walks into the bar and her blue eyes lock with mine.

My heart rate picks up just a bit and I wonder if she'll come over or will she stay away.

She should. If she knows what's good for her.

She gives me a small smile and I turn my head away.

Don't go there again.

Being in relationships, being in love, it hurts and it's not worth it. I'm not worth it.

I look up and she's still smiling at me.

But maybe she could make me believe I am.

It's strange that this woman is the one I hooked up with only once when we got locked in the cellar together and as much as I enjoy a quickie, I can't let her get too close and it scares me because I know that there's a chance I might let her.

She should leave now before I decide I want a re-run of the other night when I went back to her place and spent the night. I left before she even woke up.

I down the rest of the drink and decide that I'm going to bed. Alone.

I don't make it too far when she calls out to me.

"Charity."

I stop and bite the inside of my cheek.

"Yes Vanessa. It's my day off so I'm not serving." I say flippantly, making my tone seem as bored as possible.

"I know." She says with a kind smile.

"I was wondering if maybe you'd like to have a drink with me?" She asks,

I know by the way she's looking at me that it's not just a drink she's after and to be honest, I've enjoyed waking up with someone next to me. I'll never admit it though, I'm not that daft.

"I'm a bit tired babe, maybe tomorrow, yeah?"

She looks dejected and I want to take it back. Tell her that yes, I will have that drink with her but I don't. I ignore the fact that I've hurt her and I take myself up to bed. Where I'll be alone and cold and when I wake up, I'll still be alone and cold.

I push the thought to the back of my mind and make myself content with the fact that she wants me and I've just snubbed her.

I hold the power. She's got nothing.

I dress for bed and sit on the edge, not quite ready to climb under the covers yet. I'm tired but she is always in my mind and I hate it. Even when I'm not solely thinking of her, she's still there in the background.

She's not someone I would even give a second thought to and before our cellar adventure, I hadn't really paid her any attention.

Who woulda thought it? The village bitch and the vet?

Oh I'm not stupid, I know that's what they think of me round here. That doesn't bother me. At least they know not to get involved with someone like me. I suppose my past doesn't help but I did what I had to do and that is all there is to it.

Everyone loves Vanessa. She's sweet and kind and she saves animals for God's sake! I can't compete with that! I don't want to! But she's not someone who would fall for someone like me. I mean, sure she likes me, she likes what I do...well I think she does, I don't here her complaining every time we're together.

I smirk and as I imagine her dreaming of me. Of her sitting downstairs, holding a drink in her hand wishing she was upstairs with me.

I'm good. I know that. She would probably wake up the whole village if I really went to town. I might have to try that one night. See how loud she can get.

I suppress a chuckle as I shake my head and decide that I should get some sleep.

I hold the power here and just that thought, sends me straight off and I sleep right through...

I swear Chas has had more days off than me but then she'd tell you it's the other way round.

Anyway, it's my turn to run the pub today and as I pour Ross his first pint (he normally only comes in for one now, if any) Vanessa walks in.

I grin to myself.

She just can't keep away, can she? I must be good!

My smile slips as I see the woman she's holding the door for.

Could be a friend...no, definitely not a friend I soon realize as she gives Vanessa a light kiss on the cheek and then apologizes for being too forward to which Vanessa just giggles and says it's alright.

She doesn't even look at me as they both approach the bar.

Who is this woman anyway?

I'm angry but I have no right to be. Vanessa's not mine, I don't want her to be but still... I'm hitting that every other night at the moment and now I might be made redundant because she's picked up a new blonde that looks slightly younger than me, I think, it's hard to tell under all that make up.

I force a tight smile and go up to serve them.

"What'll it be ladies?" I ask, leaning on the bar.

"A white wine for me please Charity and...what are you having Amanda?"

I raise an eyebrow.

"Amanda... haven't seen you round here before."

"I'm visiting friends near here and they told me all about your little village and I just had to come and see it."

Posh accent. Toffee nosed cow.

"Well I hope you enjoy your stay. The locals are very...accommodating." I say, giving Ness a look that makes her blush.

Score one for me.

"I'll have a G&T please...Charity, is it?" Amanda asks, giving me a slight 'back off' vibe.

I could break her right here but I'll behave myself, for now.

I nod and go off to fetch the drinks, knowing that I've succeeded in making Ness feel uncomfortable and that's enough for right now at least.

I give them their drinks, the posh tart pays and they sit at a table nearest to the bar.

I wonder, only briefly mind you, if Ness is playing a little game with me. Trying to make me jealous.

Nice try babe, that only works if the person has feelings for you.

My eyes widen as I see Vanessa lean in close to this Amanda and whisper something.

She giggles and I nearly crush the wine glass I'm holding.

Well I had to pour myself one if I was forced to watch this shit show all night long, didn't I?

"Charity-"

"Yeah, in a minute." I snap.

I know I should be serving people, refilling drinks or whatever but Ness is about to make a big mistake if she goes home with this other woman.

"Any chance of a refill?" Someone barks and I wave them away as I try to hear what Amanda is saying to Vanessa. I can't really hear anything over everyone else's chatter in the pub.

Giving up, I tend to the punters again and sulk quietly.

Then Ness gets up and I watch as Amanda puts her coat on.

They're leaving?

Ness is leaving with her?

I go into the kitchen and call for Marlon.

"I need you to watch the bar for me, yeah? Just for a few minutes."

He rolls his eyes but I know he'll do it. Scratch that, I don't care if he does it, I just need to get to Ness before she makes a monumental mistake.

I wait patiently as she come out of the toilet and washes her hands, giving me a bored look as she dries them off and walks towards where I'm blocking the door.

"You leaving so soon babe?"

"Er yeah, Amanda is coming back to mine."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Like that is it?"

"And why do you care? We're just having fun aren't we?"

"Well yeah but-"

"But what?" Vanessa snaps.

She's going to move me out of the way if I don't do something and quick.

I move into her space, making her look up at me.

"You really think she's going to be able to do what I can?" I ask, my voice a gravel tinged purr.

Vanessa swallows as she realizes how close we are.

"It's none of your business what I do Charity."

"No of course it isn't babe but we both know she's got nothing on me."

Vanessa looks slightly shocked at my ego.

I don't care as long as she sees how wrong Amanda is for her.

"Think a lot of yourself, do you?"

"Oh come on, like she could ever compare to me! Ness, babe, you know how good we are together. She's not going to be able to top that. You know it, I know it. Why not just send her on her way, eh?" I suggest, wrapping my arms around Ness and drawing her close. It's not romantic and she knows it. Ness knows the difference between me being romantic and just wanting to get my leg over. She knows I'm aiming for the latter. I always am.

Vanessa frowns.

"So you don't want me but you don't want anyone else to have me, is that it?"

I'm losing it. I'm losing her and it's scaring me, no, it's terrifying me.

"Ness I..."

"You what?" She snaps.

Don't do it. Don't let her in. You can't. It's not worth it.

I finally bow my head in defeat but when I look back up at her, there's a tight smile on my face.

"Knock yourself out."

For just a second, Vanessa looks disappointed and then she nods back at me and pushes out of my hold.

My arms hang limp at my sides and I feel oddly empty.

"Goodnight Charity."

I let her move past me and I let out a sigh as she leaves.

I'm an idiot, I think as I shake my head and then there's my second thought;

I need a drink.

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 **Author's Note: Short and sweet, well not really sweet but hope you liked it anyway. Part two will be up shortly.**

 **Thanks for reading**


	2. Chapter 2

**PART 2**

I watch Vanessa's house all morning.

I want to see this Amanda come waltzing out of there like she's just been given the best shag of her life. Then I would know that Ness was well and truly done with me.

"It's your own fault you know."

I jump a little as Chas comes to stand next to me at the door.

"What is?" I mutter as she hands me a cup of coffee, my third to be honest. I want to be awake for this.

"You and Vanessa. You played it cool, did a few of your mind games and look where it's got you."

I roll my eyes but I know she's right.

"So...what do you suggest I do then?"

"Show her that you're serious."

"What?! I'm not serious about her, I just-"

"If you're not serious about her then why are we standing here at 7 o clock in the morning staring at her front door?"

I shrug.

Why am I standing here?

Why do I care so much about who Ness hooks up with?

I shouldn't care. We're just having fun. It means nothing.

Maybe I should turn around, go back inside and get my mind off of all this, whatever _this_ is.

"I don't know...maybe I'm just bored." I mumble as I turn and go back inside the pub.

Chas follows me inside, shutting the door behind her.

In the back, I set my mug on the table and turn, my arms folded.

Chas is looking at me and I know she knows what I'm trying so desperately to hide.

"Buy her some flowers, write out a card, she looks like she'd be into all that sort of thing."

I nod my head slowly but the hearts and flowers thing has never really been my style.

"Oh I don't know. It's a bit full on all that, isn't it?"

Chas sighs.

"It's what she likes and if you don't do something Charity, you are going to lose her for good."

She leaves me with that while I'm sitting there wondering if I really should try what Chas suggested and see if it works. I guess anything is worth a try.

God knows I've made myself look stupid more times than I care to count so really, if this goes down the drain, then it'll just be another funny thing to think back on. I can just imagine it now; 'The time when Charity got romantic.'

I chuckle to myself as I picture it and it seems so unlike me, it makes me want to try it out for some reason.

It's not like I'm putting my heart on the line...except that's exactly what I'm doing but then if she likes it, falls for it even, I'll have won and I won't have to think about what could have or might've been because finally, I'll know.

Romantic gestures from me don't come easy, if at all and this time, she'll know. She'll know I'm serious...sort of, because let's face it, I'm not going to be able to do this with a straight face!

* * *

Ok, so this is it.

I'm standing outside the vets where I know Ness is working today and I'm holding a small bunch of roses and a box of heart-shaped chocolates.

A few of the locals are giggling at my expense and I shoot them a death glare before they go about their business.

I admit, I look daft. Standing here, heart racing as I hold up the roses and force a smile onto my face that's as fake as my politeness when I'm serving the punters behind the bar.

Before I'm ready, the door opens and Vanessa steps out.

She pauses when she sees me and I hold up the flowers and chocolates.

"Ta-da!" I say awkwardly and not as enthusiasticly as I'd originally planned and she knows it's forced.

Her eyes take on a bored look and she sighs.

"What are you doing now?"

"Well I bought these for you babe. Y'know...cause' I like you and an' all that."

She shakes her head brushes past me.

I'm shocked that she's just ignored me like that and my mouth hangs open before I realize that I should go after her.

"Er babe? Did you not hear me?"

"Yeah I heard you. I'm not interested in your games Charity."

I chase after her.

"Games? Babe, I'm not playing. I'm being dead serious 'ere!"

She stops and looks at me, a puzzled frown on her face.

"You are?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" She asks, after looking me up and down and probably thinking what a daft cow I look.

"Because when I saw you last night yeah, it made me realize, I don't want to see you with anyone else."

She rolls her eyes and I squeeze mine shut, knowing that didn't come out right.

"What I mean is that...oh look, I don't know what I mean! But I do know that doing all this-" I tell her, gesturing to the roses and chocolates -"It's not my style and if I'm doing it for you then that's got to mean something, right?"

Ness shrugs, hands in the pockets of her coat.

"I don't know...does it?"

My eyes widen.

My God she drives me insane!

"It's got to! Look at me! I look like a right idiot!" I shout, maybe a little too loudly.

A few heads turn in our direction and I glare at them to make them stop looking. It works.

Ness sighs and she looks straight at me.

"Are you serious? About us, I mean?"

I nod.

"I must be."

Vanessa nods her head as though she accepts it and then looks down at the flowers and chocolates in my hand.

She takes the heart shaped chocolates instead and gives me a small smile.

"Then you're going to have to try a lot harder than this."

And dammit if that's not one hell of challenge I want to take on.

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 **Author's Note: Let the games begin hehe ;)**

 **Part 3 will be with you soon**

 **Thanks for reading x**


	3. Chapter 3

**PART 3**

Now normally I'm not one for all this demonstrative stuff but with Ness, I don't know...it's different. I want to see what it takes to win her, even if it means making myself look like a complete idiot. Again.

But I know how to seduce, now _that_ I know how to do.

I grin to myself as I type out the text.

NEED TO SEE YOU. I HAVE A SURPRISE. MEET ME IN THE PUB AT 7 TONIGHT X

I hesitate, my thumb hovering over the send button.

It sounds a bit too formal for me so I delete it and type out another;

MEET ME IN THE PUB AT 7. YOU WON'T REGRET IT X

That's more like it.

I hit send and don't bother to wait for a reply.

I won't get one anyway.

Thankfully, it's my day off so I can go into town and buy the...surprise I want to show Vanessa later tonight.

As I'm getting into my car, I see the woman in question strolling out of the coffee shop with Rhona.

"Got your text." She says, coming over to me.

"Yeah?"

She nods.

"You expect to just snap your fingers and I'll come running?"

I raise an eyebrow at her.

"That's about the short of it, yeah."

She bites back a grin but then I know with this one, I have to be careful how far I push her.

"And what if I don't? What if I leave you hanging?"

"Then you'll be missing out, won't you babe? See you later."

I climb into my car and glance at her in the rear view mirror as I pull away.

Oh she'll come tonight. I was in two minds before but now, oh now I'm definitely sure she'll come.

* * *

I ignore the looks I'm getting as I look at the lacy underwear. I know I look great in red but black is always a good choice.

A sales girl comes up to me.

"Do you need any help?"

It's just way the way she says it that gets me. I know what she's thinking, what they're all thinking.

'A middle aged woman trying to re-kindle some of the fire she's lost in her relationship by buying some racy underwear to spice up her love life.'

I can't resist shocking people and this girl is no different. Her manner almost begs me to do it, so I do.

I turn and hold up the red lacy bra and matching panties.

"If you were trying to seduce a prim and proper vet, would you wear this?"

The girl looks a little taken aback.

"A vet?"

"Yeah, a female vet to be honest. You see, she's not used to someone like me getting in her bed every night and I just want to show her how good she could have it."

The girl starts looking like she doesn't know what to say or do.

"So what do you think? Red or black?" I ask, holding the red up and gesturing to the black with my free hand.

"Er-er...maybe the-the red?"

I give her a big smile.

"That's what I thought."

...

7 o clock comes round faster than I could have thought and I'm upstairs, lighting candles, my hand shaking for some reason as I try to light them all before she gets here.

I give myself one last look in the mirror and nod, pleased with how I look in the red lingerie and arrange myself on the bed, picking up a single red rose and holding it between my teeth before I wince and spit it out, the thorn, catching my lip.

"Ah, bastard." I hiss at it before picking it back up and trying again, placing it carefully this time.

I shake my head so my blonde hair flows behind me and work on making my eyes smolder as best as I can.

She's not going to be able to get her head around this, I think gleefully as I wait patiently.

It feels like forever and I keep glancing at the clock. She's now ten minutes late. Not that big a deal but it feels longer when you're laying here, looking like something from a porno add, a tasteful one anyway.

Finally, I hear footsteps and lick my lips, getting ready.

My door clicks and she comes into the room.

Her blue eyes widen and she's standing there, stunned.

I take the rose (gently) out of my mouth and grin up at her.

"Shut the door babe." I say in that breathy tone that I know gets her every time.

She does, mutely and keep staring at me.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to come over here and enjoy your surprise?"

I can see Ness trying to form words and it makes me so happy that I've managed to reduce her to being speechless.

Still got it kid.

Finally, her mouth starts moving and actual words come out of her.

"This...this is my surprise?"

I sit up and spread my arms wide.

"All your's babe. What do you think?"

She blinks.

"I think your mad."

I frown but there's still an amused look on my face as I can't tell if she's serious or not.

"Aren't you impressed though?"

"I said you'd have to try harder and you dress up like this to try and seduce me?"

"Not quite sure where you're going with this babe."

"You think seducing me is trying harder?"

Oh crap, she's serious. She looked well up for it a minute ago.

I toss the rose on the bedside table and turn back to face her.

"Well I'm giving you what you want. I got candles, new underwear, all that mushy crap you like."

I know as soon as I've said that last part, I've lost her.

She shakes her head and gives me an incredulous look, then to my horror and panic, she turns around and goes to open the door.

I'm up and my hand is slamming it shut, trapping her between me and the door.

"You want me Ness, just admit it."

She's looking up at me, her breath coming a little faster and I have to admit that mine is too.

"So what if I do? Like _you_ would ever entertain anything serious! You only want a bit of fun!"

"Is that such a bad thing? We're great together, you can't deny it."

"Maybe we are but you can't just get all dressed up like this and expect me to crumble."

I lean in closer, my lips close to her ear.

"But you want to...I can feel it. You're just looking for a reason to crack and if you need one..."

I step back and trail my hand down her arm until our fingers lace together and I gently tug her towards the bed.

"Charity...don't..."

"I don't want to force you Ness but if I'm right, you want this almost as much as I do. Maybe even more."

Her blue eyes darken.

"I meant what I said, you're going to have to try harder."

I nod once to show her that I understand.

"But for now..."

She looks at the bed, at the candles and finally at me.

She nods and licks her lips, removing her coat before giving me a small smile.

I lean down to kiss her, slow and gentle at the same time as I gently push her down onto the bed and cover her body with my own.

The kissing becomes more intense, more heated and I've got my hands in her hair as she's raking her short nails down my back.

Then she pulls away and looks into my eyes.

She looks worried.

"I know what they say about you." She says.

That stings and I'm not quite sure why but it does.

I put on that face that says I couldn't care less what people were saying and look down at her.

"And does that bother you?" I ask flippantly.

"No."

I grin and move forwards to kiss again when she puts her fingers to my lips to stop me.

"Can you promise me something?"

I shrug.

I'm not sure that I can.

"Is this all a game to you?"

No, of course it's not, I do feel something for you and I can't explain it but I know that I like spending time with you and not just in the physical sense. Don't get me wrong the sex is great but it's not just about that.

Of course all of this stays in and I just smile a little at her.

"What's life without a little fun?"

"So that's all this is to you?" She says and her eyes look sad.

She moves out from underneath me and sits on the edge of the bed, her shoulders slumped.

"Why do I always do this?" She says to herself and I find myself kneeling on the bed but just looking at her back.

"Do what?"

"Fall for the wrong one." She says, glancing over her shoulder at me.

I suddenly feel very exposed and I sit next to her, folding my arms as if that'd cover much.

"We all do it."

"Yeah but let's be honest Charity, out of everyone I could have chosen, you would have been right at the bottom of that list."

"Because I'm a bitch?"

"Because you're cold." She snaps.

I don't know what to say to that but she's not done anyway.

"You act like you want something real and then when it starts to go that way, you start playing these stupid little games and I never know where I stand with you."

"I've done all this for you. I don't do this when I'm playing someone Ness."

She looks at me and I know she wants to believe what I'm saying but she's smart and she's worried. She doesn't trust me.

"How can I be sure?"

I don't know what to tell her. How to convince her and I'm not even sure how to go about telling her that I could be serious when I'm not even sure myself. I mean, I know I want to be serious but to actually admit it? That's a completely different story.

Then she gets up and she's leaving.

"Ness..."

I reach out for her and she pulls her hand back.

I can't do or say anything except watch her walk out.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Has Charity blown it? Stay tuned and let me know what you think of this so far. Thank you for the reviews too x**


	4. Chapter 4

**PART 4**

So this might be bordering on stalking but what other choice do I have?

I've been standing across the street for a few hours now just watching Vanessa's door.

She should have been getting ready to go to work now.

I need to make this right. I can't just let it go. Not now I've started feelings things- and that's as close as to admitting it as you're ever going to get with me- but I know this isn't something I want to miss out on.

Finally, the door opens and she steps out into the early morning sunlight.

She's got a frown on her face but then she always has until you talk to her. Somehow I don't think that frown will disappear when she sees me but I've got to try.

She locks her door and starts walking up the path.

Then she spots me.

I give her a small smile.

"Morning babe."

She shakes her head and ignores me. I have no choice but follow her to her car.

"Look about last night-"

"I don't need to hear it Charity. I know how you work." She snaps as she yanks open the driver's door and puts her bag behind the seat.

"No you don't. It's different this time Ness. I just can't put it into words, that's all."

Ness rolls her eyes as she shuts the door again and makes her way to cafe.

Again, I follow her.

"Maybe I didn't say all the right things last night but...but this hard for me, alright?"

"Hard for _you_?" She spits, turning round to stare at me, eyebrows raised.

"Yes! I know I'm not the warmest person yeah, but I thought what I did last night was making an effort."

"And effort to get me into your bed again you mean." She mumbles.

"Well that was just a plus." I grin, thinking my cheeky personality will get me out of this.

She frowns, not appreciating my humor at all.

"You think you're so funny you, don't you?"

The smile slips from my face and I stare at her. I can feel insult after insult coming.

"This is just the way you are Charity, you can't help it. Everything's one big joke to you or a competition and you use whoever you can because of how bored you get. It's pathetic and you need to grow up."

This time, I turn away.

I don't really need to try and get her to see things from my point of view when she's just shown me exactly what she thinks of me.

It's strange because last night, she was acting like she wanted to be serious and now it's like she's had second thoughts and she can't stand to be around me.

It's confusing as hell and I realize I want out. Now.

I leave her standing there as I go back to the pub, feeling more wounded than I was prepared to show.

Chas picks up on it as I walk into the back and shrug out of my coat.

"And what's that face for?" She comments.

I sit down heavily on the couch and put my head in my hands.

"Just don't Chas, alright."

"Was it that bad then?"

"What?" I ask, looking up at her with a deep frown on my face.

"At Vanessa's."

God, just the sound of her name makes my stomach flip and this time, not in a good way.

"What are you going on about?"

"Well you were back here early. Thought maybe you'd stay over."

"Yeah, so did I." I mutter.

"So what happened then?"

"Chas, I really don't want to talk about it. Just leave it, yeah?"

I close my eyes and rest my head back, trying to relax a little when I feel pressure next to me.

I open my eyes and turn my head to the right and Chas is looking at me with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"She knock you back?"

I glare at her.

Maybe it's because she just made this all too real for me or it was the fact that I had actually been knocked back, that it made me more upset.

Getting knocked back didn't happen to me often, if ever.

I sit forward, my elbows resting on my knees as I play with my fingers.

"She said I was pathetic."

My voice comes out so soft and low I barely recognize it.

I'm afraid to look at Chas because I don't want to see that slightly shocked, sympathetic look on her face.

"Oh babe, you're not pathetic." She says and pulls me into a hug which I want to resist at first but then I relax into it. I forget sometimes how much I need this, just some simple contact with people that care about me.

"Maybe I am."

Chas sits me upright and holds my shoulders, looking into my eyes.

"Now you look at me Charity Dingle, you are many things and not all of them good but the one thing you are not is pathetic."

She makes me give her a small smile and hugs me again.

When she pulls back, she stands and smiles down at me.

"I'll make us a coffee, yeah?"

I nod and watch as she goes to the kitchen.

Chas is right. I'm not pathetic. Vanessa's got it all wrong and maybe I just have to show her that I can be serious about us...again.

* * *

Spontaneity always works. At least it's what always worked on me.

Ness finishes work at 5 so I'm waiting outside in my car outside the vets for her.

The door opens and she immediately spots me.

The glare she throws my way is ice cold but I just ignore it and smile at her.

"Get in babe, we're going for a drive."

"I'm meeting Rhona-"

"No you're not. I spoke to her and she's working late tonight." I shoot back, pleased with myself that I had the foresight to think ahead and talk to Rhona.

Ness's lips press into a firm line and that glare is still directed at me.

"So maybe I want to go home and have a bath."

"There's a bath where we're going."

"You don't give up you, do you?" She mutters, shaking her head.

I grin and give her a wink.

"Nope."

She stands there and I can see she's warring with herself whether to come with me or not.

"Come on Ness. I know you want to come with me anyway."

"There you go again, so sure of yourself-"

"So walk away! Prove me wrong!" I say, cutting her off.

It's a gamble and it's a risk but I'll take it because I've never been so sure of anything in my crazy mixed up life, but her. She's different.

I can't help my smile as she steps forward and opens the passenger door.

"This had better be worth it." She mutters as she puts her seat belt on.

"Oh it will be babe, it will be." ...

The hotel makes Ness's jaw drop as I pull up outside.

"So...what do you think?"

She turns back to look at me.

"We're staying here?"

"Sure are babe, the whole weekend, how much do you love me?" I wince at my choice of words and lick my lips nervously.

"Probably a bit too soon for that." I say awkwardly.

Ness just gives me a small smile and gets out of the car while I bang my head against the steering wheel.

I join her soon after and we both stand there looking up at the impressive building.

"What made you do all this?" She asks.

I look at her then and my face is pure seriousness.

"To show you that this isn't all a game to me Ness."

"So instead of shagging at mine or yours', we're going to do it in a hotel room instead?"

"It's not about that."

She looks at me then and her knowing grin drops when she sees that I'm being serious.

"Then what is it about?"

I take her hands in mine and make her face me.

"It's about us spending some time together. Getting to know each other and if sex happens then it can only be a good thing."

Ness rolls her eyes and I bring myself back from giving another suggestive comment.

"But if you don't want that, then we don't have to."

Ness looks at me and frowns a little.

"You're serious..." She says, realization dawning on her.

I nod and smile at her

"I am. This weekend is all about you and me babe."

Ness's eyes widen and she looks panicked.

"Oh God, who's looking after Johnny?!"

"Relax babe, it's fine. Debbie is looking after him along with Noah and Moses."

Ness sags in relief and the smile she gives me is warm and kind.

"You always think of everything. You're..."

"Brilliant? Wonderful? Stunning? I'll take any compliment you've got babe."

"Smart." She says instead of whatever she was going to say.

I shrug carelessly.

"I'll take it."

She chuckles and I link our arms.

"Come on then, we're going to enjoy this."

Inside, the place was big and luxurious, that was the only word that sprung to mind.

Our room was called the Queen's suite and it certainly lived up to the name.

Everything was either silk, plush carpet or dark wood; it all looked worth exactly what I paid for it and to be honest, it had set me back a bit but it was for Ness and something else I would never tell her, is that she's worth it.

The first night doesn't go exactly as planned. We're meant to be getting to know each other a bit more, maybe talk a bit more but as she walks over to the mini bar to get us some drinks, I can't help but go over and wrap my arms around her waist.

She stands, drinks in hand and I feel her tremble with pleasure as I kiss her neck.

"I thought you said we didn't have to-" She starts to say.

"I know what I said but I can't keep my hands off you babe."

She sighs but somehow, I don't think she'd try to stop me if I push my luck.

"It'd be nice to hear that you feel the same." I say, pressing another light kiss to her neck.

She turns in my arms and looks at me.

Why does she look slightly nervous?

"I do feel the same. I cant be in the same room as you without thinking of things I shouldn't."

I grin and pull her closer but she pushes gently against my chest and I stay still but still keep my hold on her, even if I have loosened my grip a little.

"But it can't just be about sex, Charity. I need more, and if you can't give me that then...there's no point to us."

I feel a little uncomfortable; Ness is all about feelings and emotions. I'm good at hiding mine and very rare am I open with someone but this is what she's asking, this is what she wants and if I want her in my life, I know it means that I have to let her in.

"Ok, I get what you're saying yeah, but I'm not used to...all this."

She looks disappointed and I tilt her chin to make her look me in the eye.

"But...if this is what you want...I'll try."

She smiles and wraps me in a hug then pulls back and kisses me deeply.

I kiss her back and we both know that sex is not going to be off the table tonight.

She walks me back towards the bed and I'm moaning into her mouth as she crawls over me.

I hold her to me tightly, needing to feel every inch of her as she kisses me so deeply, I feel her everywhere.

I never thought that Vanessa Woodfield would be the one to make me want to be a better woman but then the greatest loves are often the most unexpected ones.

Love?

I push the thought away. It's too soon and I don't want this to stop so I ignore the fact that I even thought about it and roll her over so that she's under me.

I grin down at her as she looks up at me.

"I'm going to make you feel so good babe."

Ness licks her lips in anticipation.

I lean down and start running my tongue up her neck to that sensitive spot behind her ear.

She moans and I bite down lightly making her tighten her hold on me.

"Charity..."

"Shh...I've got you." I whisper as I move down her body.

"No, no I want-"

"It's alright babe. I know what you want and trust me, I am more than ready to give it to you."

She frowns, shaking her head.

"No, no you don't understand."

I frown a little then in confusion.

Here I am about to blow her mind and she's stopping me?

"What then?" I snap and I squeeze my eyes shut, instantly regretting it.

I give her a warm smile.

"Sorry babe but you're getting me all hot and bothered here-"

"I know, I know and I'm sorry but... I want to see you."

I frown a little.

"See me what?"

"When you..."

She lets the sentence hang in the air and I grin.

"You want to see me come, is that it?"

She blushes and nods her head, biting her lip.

I can't help but grin.

"Well then, I think I can oblige that request."

She's blushing furiously now and as turned on as I am, I can't help but think how cute she looks when she's embarrassed.

I lean down to kiss her and she tilts her head up.

It starts slow but gradually we both lose control and our clothes get discarded to the floor in a hap-hazard manner.

Her hands are touching every single part of my body that she can reach and my hands fist in her hair as she nears the place I need her the most.

I moan into her mouth as she kisses me deeply.

"Oh God Ness, just touch me." I breathe before I take her bottom lip in between my teeth, giving it a gentle tug.

She does without hesitation and with her free hand she grabs my hair, forcing me too look at her.

"I want to see you, remember."

I nod and open my eyes, watching her watch me as she makes me come.

But that's not all she makes me do and as she stares at me in shock, I wonder what to do next.

"I-I'm sorry...I didn't mean...oh God."

What the hell do I do now?

* * *

 **Author's Note- So what did Vanessa make Charity do? Any guesses?**

 **I'll write and upload the next chapter as soon as I can.**

 **I hope you guys are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**PART 5**

I sit on the edge of the bed in one of the hotel's bath robes.

Vanessa has one on too but she is sitting upright against the headboard.

"I'm sorry." I tell her.

"S'ok." She says but there's no conviction in her voice, she seems as shocked as I do.

"No, it's not babe. I shouldn't...I shouldn't have said what I said."

There's disappointment in her voice as she asks;

"Because you didn't mean it?"

"Because it's just not something you say during sex!" I shout, turning round to look at her.

She pauses before she says;

"So that's the first time you've told someone you love them while they're getting you off."

It's not a question. She knows damn well this has never happened to me before.

I glare at her as she smirks.

"What's so funny?"

"Well nothing...but I must be very good for you to tell me you love me while I'm getting you to-"

"This isn't a game Vanessa!"

She looks shocked at my tone and slightly amused.

"Now who wants to be serious?"

"I do!"

The amused look has gone and she's now frowning but she's not angry, maybe just puzzled.

"You _want_ to be serious?"

I'm in too deep now and I can't turn around and go back. I said I would try and let her in, be more open with her and maybe this is forcing me to keep my word.

I nod my head slowly but I don't smile. I'm too uncomfortable to find the happy side of this.

"I do...yeah."

She smiles though and it's bright and like someone opened the curtains and let the sun in. Wow that was gushy, what is wrong with me?

She shuffles over to me and wraps her arms around my waist, resting her chin on my shoulder.

"We can forget you ever said...that." She says kindly.

I place my hand on her arm and rest my head back to lay next to her's.

"Thank you. It doesn't mean that I'll never say it again, it's just..."

"Too soon. I understand, honestly. But for what it's worth...if you do ever say it again, I'll say it back."

I glance at her to make sure she's not just trying to make me feel better but all I see is understanding in those blue eyes and in that moment, I realize it's true. I do love her and I know she loves me too but it is too soon.

What if I end up hurting her or she leaves?

They all do in the end anyway.

Tears form in my eyes and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep them at bay but nothing gets past Vanessa and the looks she gives me as she moves closer to me to wrap me in her arms makes me crumble and tears fall freely as she strokes my hair.

"Why are you crying?" She asks softly.

I'm clinging to her now, crying silently into her shoulder.

"Because..."

I don't know.

Why am I crying?

Is it because I'm scared of losing her? Of being afraid of getting into something real again only to have it all fall apart on me a few months down the line? Or is it something else?

Then it hits me and I open my eyes, seeing my mascara smudges on her clean white bath robe.

Her blue eyes are locking with mine and I want to tell her everything but fear holds me back.

"Must be one of my mood swings." I chuckle weakly.

Ness shakes her head as she strokes her thumb along my jaw.

"No...I don't think that's it and I think you know that."

My smile slips and I can feel her trying to get in, trying to make me rip myself open and give her everything and I want to, God how I want to but I've spent years building myself up and becoming this way; untouchable, nothing can get to me and I make sure that is what everyone sees, so everyone knows not to fuck with me.

"Charity..."

Her voice brings me back and then it comes out before I've even thought about what I should be saying.

"I'm not good enough for you."

She frowns as she looks at me.

"That's for me to decide, isn't it?"

I shrug and she forces me to look at her.

"Charity, I like you...I really like you and when you basically said that you want to be serious, that was one of the best things you could have said."

I look up at her and despite my bravado and aloofness, I can't believe this woman next to me thinks I'm worth loving, properly and not just to pop out kids or look good on someone's arm.

"Really?"

She nods and a sweet smile crosses her face.

"Really. You are an amazing woman Charity and you need to believe that instead of just acting like you do." She says with a knowing grin.

I roll my eyes.

"Am I that transparent?"

Ness shakes her head, that smile still on her lips.

"No but I like to study you."

I blink, surprised at this confession.

"Bit creepy, don't you think babe?" I tease, even though I'm secretly happy that she takes that much interest in me.

She taps my nose gently.

"I'm sure you've done worse."

I chuckle at that and then we both lay down on the bed, just laying next to each other, slightly propped up by the headboard.

She laces our fingers together and we smile at each other.

I let out a breath.

"So you really think this could work?"

"What? The barmaid and the vet?"

"Er it's Landlady, thank you very much."

She chuckles.

"Fine. Landlady and the vet. Why wouldn't it? You pull pints and I save animals' lives."

"Oh well, when you put it like that, I can see endless possibilities!"

We both laugh and I turn my head to look at her.

I lick my lips as her smile falters a little, she knows what I'm thinking and I tug her hand to pull her closer.

"Come 'ere."

She moves into me and we kiss.

It's slow and deep and my hands wind into her hair as she opens her mouth to allow me better access. She moans as I swipe my tongue along her lower lip.

When we both need air, she grins up at me.

"So much for the no sex rule."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Oh it was never a rule babe, just a suggestion."

She grins at me and I return it.

"Charity Dingle you are terrible!"

"Makes it more fun though, doesn't it? Doing what we're not supposed to be doing?"

She flushes and before she can say any more, I roll her underneath me.

"I'll take that as a yes."

She squeals and I lean down to kiss her again.

When I pull back to look down at her, she looks up at me and she must see something there because she asks me;

"What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Thank you." I whisper, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"For what?" She asks as she plays with the ends of my hair.

I lick my lips.

Fuck it, it needs to be said.

"For loving me."

She nods and the smile on her face brightens.

We kiss again and then she mutters something against my lips that makes me realize just what I'm dealing with.

"Now that you know how I feel about you...I want to hear it from you."

"You will...one day and not just during sex."

We both laugh and it's in that moment, I realize I've never felt happier than I do than when I'm with her.

She's everything to me and someday, I'll admit it.

* * *

 **Author's Note- Hope you all enjoyed reading this, Thank you for your reviews, they mean a lot! :) x**


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